Backstage with Jacques and Tony

 

The sun-filled garden of the Elysée palace was a perfect venue today for a farewell by that popular but rather weary double-act, the Jacques and Tony show. Like Britain's Eric and Ernie or the two Ronnies, Jacques and Tony fed each other the old gags and catch-phrases, but the ninth and almost certainly last summit between the French and British leaders offered little of the sizzle of their heyday.  Tête-à-tête in the palace garden and then before the press, President Chirac and the British Prime Minister were too busy being nice to create the sparks that the fans remember from their earlier hits.

Top among these was the Brussels Bust Up of 2002, a quarrel about European farm subsidies, when Jacques, in paternal form, brought the house down by calling young Tony "badly brought up".

Then there was the 2003 Showdown over Iraq, when Jacques asked Tony: "How will you be able to look (son) Leo in the face ...if you are the one who unleashes this war?".  Today, both Cher Jacques and My Friend Tony, sparring partners like all good duos, were in almost wistful form as they displayed their bonhomie in front of their ministers, staff and media under the Elysée chandeliers.

Margaret Beckett, in fuchsia suit and translation headset for her first Paris trip as Foreign Secretary, smiled as Blair sang the praises of the entente cordiale in rather pedestrian style.  "I am more and more sure that the future of France and Britain is a future in which our destinies are inextricably linked together," he said.

"Myself and the President" had agreed on a lot, continued the Prime Minister. "We both share a passion for Africa". They also agreed that it was urgent to act on climate change and that Chirac could offer Britain useful French experience on nuclear power.  Blair's grace was commendable since he had just listened to a 20-minute monologue in which his friend expounded on the international horizon that they had just toured together in the rose bower. Throughout, a smiling Blair kept his focus on the President like a game show contestant waiting his turn. France and England used to settle their quarrels on the battlefield , said Chirac, "we are fortunately now in a profound period of solidarité, accord et entente."

Unlike Chirac, who needed a translation, Blair took the President's French neat with no ear-piece, even understanding the references to "Omton coor", the British venue of last year's EU summit, otherwise known as Hampton Court. Contrary to widespread belief, Chirac does not really speak English. Blair's French, learned while working as a student barman in France in the early 1970s, is better (The French Prime Minister that year was a certain Jacques Chirac, as Blair loves to remind him).

The EU's odd couple have been appearing at almost annual summits since Blair's election in 1997 and they will continue to meet, but one or both will be retired by the next Franco-British show in the autumn of 2007. Chirac, 73, unpopular and in fragile health, leaves office next May. Blair, 53, unpopular and apparently robust, may by then have brought down the curtain on his long farewell tour.

The supporting cast on both sides say that the Franco-British duo enjoy one-another's company more than their knockabout appearances would suggest. "Tony has this odd liking for Chirac," a Downing Street aide once said. "It's an S&M thing." The Prime Minister keeps a photograph of M Chirac with baby Leo in his Downing Street office.  A senior French official who attends their talks said last week: "Chirac genuinely likes Blair."

The chemistry will be different when the bosses at future summits may be Gordon Brown, the present Chancellor and Blair's heir-in-waiting, and Nicolas Sarkozy or Ségolène Royal, the current favourites in the French Presidential race. Both the French conservative and the Socialist have run into domestic flack for voicing their admiration for the creed that France knows as le blairisme.

Other notes from le sommet franco-britannique: It is always fun to observe the differences between the two official entourages. You can tell the British -- of both sexes -- by their less than soigné suits, approximate haircuts and often their scuffed shoes. The French are of course impeccably turned out.  The same could not be said of the sandwiches that the Elysee laid on for the humble press as the VIPs consumed their three star lunch at the Hotel Marigny, the state mansion across the road from the palace.  The presidency usually provides reporters with the best free lunch around, but today it was tasteless English-style sandwiches made from white sliced bread -- along with a nice chilled rosé.

Comments

[Robert Marchenoir]

Tasteless English-style sandwiches for the British press? That was obviously a political message, and a subtle revenge. Remember the uproar after Chirac's -- perfectly reasonable -- disparaging of British cuisine? Aha! There. Serves you right.

[Edward Johns]

I wonder if the nice chilled rosé was Californian ?

[richard jones]

M. Marchenoir (Blackwalk) is quite right. La cuisine anglaise n'est pas terrible, but then at the moment la cuisine française seems to be the only thing la France is doing at all well.

[Edward Johns]

M. Marchenoir or M. Marchénoir ?
Is he an exponent of the black economy ?
Does he do tax-free sandwiches ?

[Robert Marchenoir]

Just for the record, I have noticed the vibrant new cooking scene in England, and although I have no direct experience of it, I am perfectly prepared to accept things have changed vastly since the baked beans and jelly era.

But a blogger is entitled to poking a little fun sometimes.

[Sarah]

Tasteless sliced white bread sandwiches? How provocative. An evil little mockery of English cuisine alongside the marvellous produce (wine) of France. How terribly obvious of them.

Thank goodness I live outside Paris and don't have to worry about being soignee. No one else does so if the nail polish on the little toe of my left foot is chipped, there's no need to have a fit of the vapours.

[anna de brux]

Charles B mentioned the malsoigné British at the 'sommet'... in multi-national meetings here, you can tell the English from the rest of the Brits - the English make an effort to be a bit more soigné.

If you had Blair, a Brown, a Johnson, an O'Donnell, a Kelly, a Darling, etc, in the British entourage at the 'sommet,' I'm not surprised they were not soigné - these people are hardly English.

As for the food served at the sommet, well you"ve got to admit, Brits wouldn't know what haute cuisine was anyway, so egg or cheese sandwiches would have been more than appropriate.

Serving 'em Brits very fine hors d'oeuvres would have been a complete waste of ration!

By the way, CB, you're maligning Chirac - his English IS actually good but if Blair was, as you say, speaking "pedestrian" English and couple that with a 'blairing' stammer, why, even you, would need a translator too...

[Edward Johns]

Let them eat cake ?

[Robert Marchenoir]

Me, sell tax-free sandwiches? Come on, Edward Johns. This is for small-time crooks. Personnally, I'm more into frigates.

[Edward Johns]

OK Robert.
Very decent of you to avoid alluding to my surname--the plural form of an American slang term for a toilet !

[anna de brux]

Robert,

You should have clarified that: LAFAYETTE-class frigates and not just some Northrup-Grumann frigates.

[GAG]

I have it on good authority that the Rosé wine was from China. This was part of the deal made with the Chinese to enable the sale of more Airbus. Incidentally, this Chinese Rosé can be purchased in selected Leclerc supermarkets. It is drinkable and stays in the stomach.
As for French cooking it can be marvellous, it can also be very bad. In addition is suffers from too much regionalism. So it’s great for tourists eating snails in Burgundy, duck and sausage stew in Toulouse and pigs offal in Lyon, but if you are located permanently in any area it gets boring. What’s more, the decor in many restaurants is appalling, too much rusticity. My advice to any French restaurant owner is to visit the U.K and see the excellent modern decors in many Indian restaurants, far days from flock wallpaper and mock Taj Mahal (spel) panelling.
Apparently the best restaurant in the world is located in Bray England, although I would say that Trois Gros in Roanne is the best.
Lastly, doesn’t ‘black market’ ring a bell, something to do with Vichy France ? But that’s a subject I should not talk about.
GAG

[James]

Chirac to Blair: "If you only had some class, Tony!"

Blair to Chriac: "It I only knew someone who had some!"

James

[GAG]

Anna de Brux says that the British would not know what’ haute cuisine’ is. They may not, but they do have an idea what service is, particularly service with a smile, from a friendly convivial person. One shouldn’t generalise, but it appears to me that excepting the Michelin starred restaurants and a few others, service in France is usually carried out by sad, depressed, ‘you should feel sorry for me’ type people.
Happily for French restaurants, the British exist, as in the future, they and other foreigners will be the only people who can afford French cooking. Apparently 80% of the profits of French companies in the CAC 40 are earned overseas. No doubt, very soon, 80% of the profits of Michelin starred restaurants in France will come from overseas customers.
Other observers may have noted that every year about October, successive French governments announce that a rise in growth took place in July & August. Of course the government always wants to take the credit for this, while knowing full well that the growth is due to tourism.
To sum up, it won’t be long before the British do become experts in ‘haute cuisine’. Because very soon they’ll be able to employ their own French chefs in their own kitchens, as more and more young French search for work overseas. I know I’ll employ one, as some are just brilliant with food.
GAG

[Edward Johns]

It is said (quite accurately I feel) that
“les français mangent bien, les anglais chient bien”. Without wanting to wax too scatalogical, surely no-one can argue that UK sanitary arrangements are much superior to French ones and that French cookery is far better than that found in the UK. At the end of the day though, eating is a very transitory experience-stating the obvious it lasts only as long as the particular mouthful of food. And whatever one eats, it all ends up as brown and foul-smelling.

[anna de brux]

So?

[Edward Johns]

So are people getting a little carried away by something that is of little consequence?

[michael robertson]

A malicious thought crossed my mind on reading this blog. It would appear that Mr Blair's time in office is very gradually drawing to a close, so why not put him to good use by letting him throw his hat into the ring next year and stand for the French elections! After all, if both Sego and Sarko have expressed admiration for Mr Blair and "Le Blairisme" in the past, why not let them compete with the real thing! Past showdowns aside, after last weeks' love-in Tony Blair could be granted Chirac's full support in the polls were he to put himself forward, though that might not help him much. Even the Blair/Brown war of words could continue uninterrupted, with at least the English Channel to separate them, instead of just the wall between No.s 10 and 11 Downing street. Futhermore "Monsieur" Blair would be unlikely to walk out if English was used at any future business presentations. You never know, perhaps last week's sandwich and wine function might have had a far more sinister purpose than simply to provide a platform for mutual back scratching between two leaders facing the end of their respective time in office!

[Robert Marchenoir]

I'd rather have Boris Johnson, please. He's much funnier, more honest and has a good blog.

Also, he would be a godsend for cartoonists such as Plantu from le Monde, with the yellow lampshade that he tries to pass for his hair. Not to mention odd bicycle accidents.

Beats our present good cop/bad cop duet(*) anytime, doesn't it?

Now that he has thoroughly insulted Liverpudlians, he is not of much use to you anymore. I am sure you would not mind lending him to us for a while.

(*) Royal/Sarkozy, of course.

[anna de brux]

Boris Johnson, Robert? You can't be serious! Ugh!

[Robert Marchenoir]

"You can't be serious."

Yes I am, Anna. I would really vote for Boris Johnson if he campaigned for votes in France. I find him highly intelligent, very perceptive and unconstrained by convention on contemporary issues, unusually unconceited for a politician, and a jolly nice chap to boot.

[Frank Schnittger]

What malicious thoughts you have Michael! Giving Blair to the French! Instead of just rotating the Presidency of the council of ministers we could actually rotate prime ministers as well! Anyone for Berlusconi? On second thoughts - er no.

[michael robertson]

I'm sorry, Robert, despite your excellent choice, you can't have Boris Johnson, as we could not possibly spare such a colourful character in any case.

We have too few politicians prepared to speak their mind in the way that he does, whilst providing such good entertainment at the same time. We have far too many boring MPs who are only inclined or capable of tediously regurgitating their party's mantra, in response to whatever question is put to them, either on TV, the radio, or in the newspapers. Perhaps you might like Mr Brown, Mr Milliband or Mr Prescott instead?

Boris Johnson represents a welcome departure from this tiresome paternalistic fog that has been creeping over our country for some time now! I would guess that France has more than a fair share of these characters as well, which, presumably, is why you would welcome Boris Johnson to your shores!

[Robert Marchenoir]

Speaking of wine, this is a religion here, and bad-mouthing it is forbidden by the government: you are not allowed to say unpleasant things about it, even if they are true.

A subject of the baccalauréat asked pupils to write about the dangers of wine, and about the pollution induced by wine-growing.

Wine-makers were outraged. We would not have minded if the subject was about alcohol, they said, suggesting that wine and alcohol are two completely unrelated substances.

And yes, we do pollute, they said, suggesting the crime was in saying it, not doing it.

The minister of Agriculture (don't ask me why) duly obliged: this is a mistake, he said, and everybody involved will be punished.

How more totalitarian and ridiculous can we get?

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